Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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