making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
