If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
someone owes me an orgasm
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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