Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
false alarm. still invincible.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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