You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
True college students do jello shots in the library
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