Pants 0. Shit 1.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
