Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
