I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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