Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
