i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
