and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I am one with the molecules
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
