listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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