and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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