11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
