Texts From Last Night

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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.

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  (270): If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit. http://tfl.nu/gpdl
  Replies (100) Good night (1136) Bad night (2786)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey

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  (850): One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey http://tfl.nu/owfj
  Replies (45) Good night (676) Bad night (2561)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.

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  (806): How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking. http://tfl.nu/9w1c
  Replies (11) Good night (4064) Bad night (725)
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  (564): View more from Washington

  He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns

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  (564): He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns http://tfl.nu/yiwx
  Replies (13) Good night (4920) Bad night (1666)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head

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  (847): You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head http://tfl.nu/hdz6
  Replies (23) Good night (7887) Bad night (1276)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon

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  (201): PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon http://tfl.nu/nm2q
  Replies (14) Good night (4683) Bad night (1410)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.

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  (678): I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation... (404): I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud. http://tfl.nu/9qj8
  Replies (8) Good night (3867) Bad night (656)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long

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  (412): My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long http://tfl.nu/fuyb
  Replies (1) Good night (925) Bad night (1491)
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  (914): View more from New York

  You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.

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  (914): You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street. http://tfl.nu/q2es
  Replies (3) Good night (2865) Bad night (548)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.

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  (832): Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away. http://tfl.nu/sac9
  Replies (1) Good night (943) Bad night (548)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?

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  (941): When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights? http://tfl.nu/va6d
  Replies (7) Good night (687) Bad night (878)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night

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  (614): finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night http://tfl.nu/xe5e
  Replies (10) Good night (389) Bad night (753)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.

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  (936): Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am. http://tfl.nu/74hm
  Replies (4) Good night (631) Bad night (250)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.

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  (404): Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world. http://tfl.nu/lt97
  Replies (8) Good night (336) Bad night (718)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever

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  (309): I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever http://tfl.nu/ei5v
  Replies (0) Good night (491) Bad night (214)

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