you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass