I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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