we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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