After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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