you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
