My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
