Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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