this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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