My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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