I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
