shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
