I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
