allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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