The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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