Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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