I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
