After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
