after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize