i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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