Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
