She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
