Its about making memories worth repressing
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
