Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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