Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
