i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
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Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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