haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
