he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
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