3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Already got asked if we're dating
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
