its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i wish my penis had a tongue
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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