My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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