david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
