Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
