Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
