I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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