Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
