I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
