She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
