That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
