New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm passing your future prison.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
