If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he was CRYING into my vagina
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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