I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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