I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My vagina just clenched in fear
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
