if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
