Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
