I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
