He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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