I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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