i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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