What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
