I seem to have left my pride at pride
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
